vexing queries

why does every person over 75 years of age eat butter pecan ice cream?

if i were Italian, would i also have a self-starter on my car?

why must my hair be curly when i want straight..and straight when i desire ringlets?

if i'm tired, why must i become a night owl with no apparent desire to sleep when it's really necessary.

and why the hell is waking up to an alarm so fucking hard?

why does our dog feel as though it's okay to lounge on new furniture in our absence?

at what age am i going to let the gray hair win?

why do people say they just need 5 minutes of my time when they really mean they will actually waste 15 minutes telling me what they'll discuss once they get me to commit to those 5 minutes later that day?

did all the crooks, bastards, sheisters, fuckheads, et al. ALL decide to get involved in real estate in my city during MY lifetime?

how many days can pass before i'll actually remember to pick up my dry cleaning? but when i took it in several days prior, it seemed as though i'd have nothing to wear if more than one day passed?

where IS the beef?

and most importantly where have all the cowboys gone?


...that's all.